I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
