Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
