My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
These tits shall not be calmed
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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