I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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