no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
