my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
