yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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