no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
