They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
