I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
