worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
