It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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