are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Operation Purity has been aborted
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
