The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
