im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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