i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
