Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
