she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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