We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You are a genius and a whore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
