I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
