Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
