She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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