I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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