I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Randomize
