oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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