just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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