maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
