We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
