I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
