Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
