Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
