im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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