STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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