As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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