I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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