i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
