I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My room smells like vodka and shame
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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