she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize