I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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