is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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