Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
