yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
