So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have post one night stand depression
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
