She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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