Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
