I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
operation have a gay friend backfired
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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