We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
