The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
