Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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