he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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