we made out on top of his cat.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
