If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
