Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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