i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
