those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
