I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
