i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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