My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
