Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
