Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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