You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
