They should really pass out barf bags in church
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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