Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
