I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
