I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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