Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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