man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
