this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just made the most āsingle lifeā Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Thereās an entire generation of people out there who didnāt grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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