Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize