I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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