VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
