I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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