we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
