I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
