I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize