like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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