I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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