I wish I only lived at night.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
