well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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