She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize