My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
