well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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