Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's shark week go big or go home
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
