so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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