franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
