I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sorry my hands just texted you
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think your dad took our porno
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
