Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
This can only be settled by a dance off.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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