Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
