Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
