He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
