DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
