Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
