Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
