no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
