you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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