I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
