once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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