i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My penis needs a shock collar
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
