They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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