you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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