Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
