Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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