I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
