Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
