Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
