apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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