Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
