had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
