Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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