All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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