My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
