My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
