whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
