So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
