dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She bit a glass in half.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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