Umm I'm too high to move.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
