Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
