I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
