i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
